But, it ain’t fair.

Perhaps there is nothing more taxing on my patience than the person who laments the “fairness” of life. They wax on poetically about their latest slight, real or otherwise, and expect the world to come to join in their private pity party. Misery loves company, especially when the company is giving you a pass for giving up. After all, they want you to say it’s O.K. when they quit too.

If I’d focused on what was fair, I’d never have made it where I am today, and trust me, just like you, I had a lot in my life that wasn’t “fair.”

I have been abandoned.
I was molested.
I dug through the rubble to find bodies in the Pentagon.
I fought in a war.
I have struggled with the transition.
I have failed in business.
I have failed in marriage.
I was homeless.
I failed (thankfully) at suicide.

I was down, and it felt like the world was doing their best two-step on my ass while I was. I felt like quitting multiple times. I won’t lie, I came close several. But, I was once told, “Courage is fear that held on a moment longer.” So, I held on.

Then, little did I know at the time, it was my indifference to what wasn’t fair that would change my life.

I had signed up to take an MMA fight. I had no illusions of grandeur. I never thought I’d be pro. I simply wanted to challenge myself while having a little male bonding time with my brother from another, Dave Posin. What happened next wasn’t fair. But it happens all the time at the amateur level.

My opponent got switched at the last minute.
The new guy lied about his record; he said he no fights when he had seven.
He didn’t make weight, missed it by 20lbs.
He was the head coach for the other team.

My coaches even knew it wasn’t fair and didn’t want me to fight him. By this time I’d learned fair didn’t have shit to do with it. So I asked to be allowed to fight him anyway.

I told Master Mike, I can’t promise I’ll win, but I promise I won’t embarrass you.

• 

I went out there and proceded to get my ass kicked.

As I was getting ready to pass out, I remembered what I told Mike; I promise I won’t embarrass you.

And so I fought on, coming back and winning with just a few seconds left in the round. That night changed my life. It launched Soldierfit when Mike came up to me after and said; “You won’t quit, would you like to bring your program in my gym.”

Had I focused on what was fair, I wouldn’t be married to Jen. I wouldn’t have two beautiful little girls with her. I wouldn’t have 14 gyms under our brand. I wouldn’t be living this dream, and thousands of people wouldn’t have found a home and family with us.

So the next time you are focused on what’s fair, instead of what you can do with what you got, just think of me and remember that the biggest travesty in life isn’t someone who was mistreated.

It’s someone who falls into the trap of victimhood because it focuses on what limits us rather than what empowers us.

The empowered person sees only opportunity.
The victim sees only opposition.

One will go on to shatter through glass ceilings and barriers by proving that not only do they belong but that we couldn’t do it without them.
The other will go to the grave with all their talents and abilities never shared muttering “life wasn’t fair.”